I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
