Yo dont text me then not text me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
