He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
