# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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