I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
