It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize