If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
