how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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