Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
