I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
