My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
