We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize