so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
