DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
