something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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