SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize