the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
