i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
