I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
