I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
