I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
