her facebook's as public as her vagina
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
