You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
