Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
