Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
