I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
