if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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