if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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