There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PANTIES FOUND
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