He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize