It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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