is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
