the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I currently don't understand fingers.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
