the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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