He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
