that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
