We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
