All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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