My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
