We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
