I accidentally had phone sex last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
