I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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