you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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