i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
