fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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