just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
