No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
