We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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