my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
