Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.

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(516): View more from New York

I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level

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(416): View more from Toronto

"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.

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(360): View more from Washington

Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...

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(586): View more from Michigan

If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?

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(802): View more from Vermont

Finally got with the virgin.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Yeah? Howd that go?

(802): View more from Vermont

As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.

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