stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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