Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
