I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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