oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize