Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize