Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I touched a dick in church today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
