Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
