my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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