you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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