One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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