I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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