my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
