What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
