C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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