i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize