I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
