There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
