Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
