i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
