Princesses don't give blow jobs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
