i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Even my vagina gasped.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
