The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
