1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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