This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
