WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The air taste purple.
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