Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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