There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
