Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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