his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize