You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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