look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
