matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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