All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
