I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
