OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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