I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
