A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
