I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
