Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
