her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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