I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He did a backflip because drugs
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