I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
