i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
