so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
