Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
